Before any of my local friends feel the need to stage an intervention, I have to tell you - I consider these last few posts (and the last few weeks) teaching moments from God. I've been discouraged and disappointed at times, but I've been able to see what God is doing in our lives. Sometimes I have to look back to see it, but I learn eventually.
We've had our eye on a particular house for a couple of months now. It's beautiful! There were a few "cons", but the pros would blow you out of the water. The owners had done really incredible updates, and I pretty much could have lived there for the next 50 years and been thrilled.
I think my favorite thing about the house was that it seemed intentionally...modest. Don't get me wrong, the upgrades were stunning, but in size, especially surrounded by the rest of East Cobb, I loved that every room would be lived in and I wouldn't be buying furniture (from Target and Goodwill) for a fancy living room that we would never use.
As Steve and I have talked about new homes, we have been drawn more and more to this idea of "intentionally small". We would like to have a third child, so we don't want to be naïve about what we need and what would make us miserable, but we also want to be purposeful about our choices, and not just drawn into the trap of bigger and better. Living in this area, where so much is about status and comparison, we've been blessed to have friends (on both ends of the socio-economic scale) who don't live under the spell of "keeping up with the Jones'". With those things in mind, we were thrilled that this "dream house" seemed to fit our ideal for living in a beautiful home without being extravagant.
Except that we can't afford it.
We found out yesterday that the house is being listed for more than what we could pay. Even if the buyers came down significantly, it would still be at the absolute top of our price range. There were definitely a few tears when Steve and I discussed it last night. I think I had been assuming for awhile that the house was a guarantee, so I had to deal with some serious disappointment. It was a dream that I was losing. But I also had a weird sense of peace.
Steve and I were both taught to not live outside our financial means, and as I saw this house becoming less of a reality, it made me realize that I had been willing to sacrifice a lot in order to have it. It made me really pause and think about my priorities and what I want to spend my our God's money on.
What I really want is to send Bella to our Christian school. If we bought our dream house, we would not have been able to afford both. For that matter, if we had bought the dream house, we would not have been able to afford much more of anything! Steve and I have always valued our quality of life. Not simply the house we're living in, but things like driving to Florida to see my family, being able to afford to see his family for holidays, taking the girls on special dates that might not have been in the budget. And once again (just for good measure, Lord), sending the girls to a Christian school.
So, I had to let go of a dream. It definitely stung. And I think I'm still suffering from a healthy dose of denial. But God showed me that I was not being the wisest in my quest to have what I thought was perfect for our family. Once I began to accept that, it became easier to let go of my former dream and start working on a new one. (One of many!)
Whitney sent me a great Francis Chan quote this morning that made me suspect Francis may be listening in on our phone conversations.
"...and ultimately, you need to stake your faith in God alone, not in the gifts (good as they may be) that He gives. It really comes down to trust. Do you trust God that when He says 'no' or 'not in this way' to you, you still believe He is good and doing what is best?"
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