I'm Not The Only One, Right?

This is a "therapy" post...

I've entered a new stage of mommy-hood that I wasn't ready for. I'm not even sure how to describe it, but basically, it's that horrible, horrible sadness you feel as a Mama when you think your child is being left out or had her feelings hurt. Now, I should mention that the reality is, Bella has never felt left out or had her feelings hurt - it is completely my perception and my emotions!

It could be during a playdate or observing her at school...if one of her friends tells her "no" or doesn't want to play with her, my heart breaks. I actually start crying! It makes me want to scoop her up in my arms and run home. Which I don't do, because she has no idea what happened and would start crying that I was taking her away from her friend!

The second half of this new experience is when Bella doesn't get to do everything her friends do. Bella is in preschool again this year and loves it! It just so happens that a lot of her friends are also doing ballet classes at our church. After talking about it with Steve, we decided that we just didn't have the money to pay for anything extra. The prices are wonderful at the church; we just have other things our money needs to go to right now. When Steve and I had this talk, I was balling. 

And this is definitely a case of "what she doesn't know won't hurt her"...Bella has no idea what a ballerina is or that you can take classes to look like one. She doesn't know that some of her school friends are taking these classes; she just knows how much she loves school. 

Maybe it all boils down to contentment. We are truly, truly blessed. And I don't just say that because it's the "Jesus" answer; I'm honestly thrilled that we're able to afford preschool and I know that there are many who can't. As a mom, I have just been struggling with the fact that many "extra" experiences I want Bella to have, cost money - the zoo, the aquarium, ballet, etc. I know it's all in my head and heart, and not in Bella's. She loves the playground, the park, school, heck, she gets excited about the front yard!

So I'm going to take a deep breath and say lots and lots of extra prayers that God will give me a thankful heart for all of the wonderful things we have been  able to give Bella so far, and that He will give me a much stronger heart for all of the times I may imagine her being "hurt" in the future.

Ironically, my Bible study topic this week is contentment. I'm already looking forward (and at the same time, NOT looking forward) to what I will learn and what God is trying to teach me.

This is my Bible study. I'm only on Week Three, but it has been amazing. I haven't been using the DVD's; Mel said each one is only about ten minutes long and isn't necessary to do the lesson. Since I'm doing this by myself, I didn't bother with the video segments. The book is about $7.99 at the Christian bookstore, and I would highly recommend it! It's not as in-depth with Scripture as a Beth Moore study is, but it's very practical and hands-on.