Last Friday marked one year since Lily was born. It's been a year that Steve and I never could have predicted! Last Summer, moving wasn't even on our radar; neither was Bella's schooling - we had already decided to keep Bella home for preschool since we thought we'd have a new baby in January.
After miscarrying early in March, and then losing Lily in August, we definitely had babies on our mind. We never expected to get pregnant so quickly (it didn't seem quick at the time!), but after getting the okay from our midwife, and figuring out ovulation and cycles, we ended up getting pregnant the first month.
Some of our "scars" are still lingering. We've never looked at the pictures of Lily that the nurse took at the hospital - they're in a box in the attic with the rest of the...memorabilia that you get when you lose a baby. I seemed to struggle earlier in this new pregnancy with constant reminders of Lily, but Steve seems to be more emotional towards the end. I think he's just holding his breath until Little Man is safely out of the womb.
I'm learning that our "Lily" moments will come and go. I'm sure they will be like that for a long time. For me, I think she's a sadness that's hidden pretty deep on most days; for Steve, I think it's much closer to the surface. At least for now.
As stupid as I think it is to tell grieving parents "at least you have other kids", there is definitely truth in that. (Once you squelch the desire to punch that person.) We have had a wonderful, beautiful year that has been filled with some amazing moments!
I think her birth date will always be a "pause day" for me, but we are so thankful for our many blessings!
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