Grieving.

We lost the baby last Friday.

I don't really have the words to share all of the emotions we've gone through between then and now. When I realized what was happening, I called Steve and told him what I thought. Then I called my mom and sobbed. I hadn't even gotten off the toilet yet. 

And that's it. For the next three days, there were moments of indescribable sorrow, numbness, and even laughter. Friends offered to come and get the girls, but they have been a source of both great distraction and great healing. 

Physically, I think I'm healing the way I'm supposed to. The cramping has become pretty minimal, and I was early enough in the pregnancy that I didn't need to go to the hospital. Emotionally, I don't even know. Sunday night was the first time I felt normal since Friday morning. It was good to feel the urge to putter around the house and clean. 

Monday has been a little harder simply because I'm alone with the girls. I returned some maternity clothes and it was a really rough experience. I probably should have waited to tackle that particular errand, but I just wanted the clothes to be done with.

It's overwhelming to think what we've experienced and processed in only three days. Friends and family have been amazing, and God has sustained us. I have no idea what the next few weeks will feel like. I'm tired and drained, but also able to be happy and getting back to normal. I think Steve feels the same way - drained, but getting back to normal.

 Sadness still comes suddenly, but it doesn't stay as long. We are healing.