And Baby Makes...5.

Whew! This is NOT a post I thought I would be writing for quite a while.

Do you remember when I wrote that one of my New Year's goals was to get pregnant this year? In all honesty, in my mind, I simply put that down because I thought it  would be nice by the end of the year; as in, we wouldn't mind getting pregnant in November or December and have a baby sometime next Fall.

I thought it would just be nice to have it be a surprise this time instead of desperate joy. I wasn't actually anywhere close to even thinking about a baby!

God has an interesting sense of humor. 

After about two weeks at the end of January of feeling "off", I began to wonder...maybe...no way...

Our only experience with pregnancy has truly been one of waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I have peed on more sticks than I can count while trying to get pregnant with Bella and Evelyn. I have convinced myself that we were pregnant only to find out that we weren't. I have cried and prayed and waited.

Since Evelyn's birth, though, I have been firmly entrenched in "baby" mode. After ten months, I'm still loving my little baby. And when those lines turned positive, all I could think was, "I'm not ready. I don't want this yet. I'm not ready."

And.......I know. I know millions of women have babies close together. Sometimes much closer. Many times intentionally. I know babies are an incredible blessing and when the time comes (and much sooner), I'll be overjoyed. All I can say at this exact moment is, I'm not ready yet. And I'm trying to be okay with that feeling instead of feeling overwhelmingly guilty.

Steve, by the way, has been amazing! (The man's a rock!) I was strangely nervous to tell him because he's about to change jobs and I was nervous about stressing him out. But when I told him, he was borderline giddy. What is it about men that they feel a fantastic sense of pride in getting their woman pregnant? (Sorry, mom.) He was so happy, he was cracking me up.

And for the record, I'm getting more ready. By today, I've had about a week and a half to process. Our parents know. Our close family and a few friends know. And we've been to the doctor to confirm how far along I am. (Only about 5 weeks.) So yeah, little by little, I'm getting more excited. I'm sure that by the time we go "public" (you know, besides talking about it on the internet), I'll be even more ready.

So...much sooner than we thought, Baby #3 will be joining us around November 2nd. Steve would like this final baby to be a boy, but I can honestly say, I have no expectations at this moment. Knowing me, I'm sure that will change.

When one stick just isn't enough...and really, when is one stick ever enough?

I wrote "+1" on my belly and showed Steve. There are much cooler ways to share the news, but I am not the girl who will ever have enough patience for those ideas. Plus, I was trying to not cry over the initial shock, so simple seemed like the way to go.

Bella's "big sister" t-shirt that we put her in to tell our family that we were expecting Evelyn. We put it on Evelyn to tell Steve's sisters about Baby #3. It's so big on her!

Pray for some of my crazy fears. I'm nervous for Bella to see me go through morning sickness again so soon without thinking I'm dying. I'm nervous to have a barely-toddler who won't understand why Mama has a new baby. I'm nervous what the hormones and emotions will do to me while Steve is traveling for his new job. And sometime very soon, we will definitely need to start saving for a minivan.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

"And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19