I thought getting pregnant again would wipe the slate clean. Not wipe her memory away completely, but I thought it would feel more like a fresh start. Instead, being pregnant again just feels like a constant reminder of what we lost.
When someone asks which number this new baby would be, I think about them, especially her. When I look on Facebook, it seems like there are always stories of miscarriages, or babies who made miraculous recoveries because their mothers held them. I feel like I'm thinking about her all the time. I just can't shake it.
I don't feel depressed, but there's always this feeling, a heaviness, that I thought would have gone away by now. I know time will continue to temper those feelings. I know they'll come and go, but right now, they're here. And I guess I'm just a little surprised, because I thought the new pregnancy would be one of those times that the sadness went away.
1 comment:
praying for you!
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