Jesus' Way Is Always Better

I've been convicted and encouraged over my parenting (again) in the last month. I'm in a Bible study for Beth Moore's study on James. It's an incredible study and she is a very in-depth teacher. On the day that we studied James 1:2 ("Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds."), we were asked to list a trial that we were currently facing. I wrote down "frustrations as a parent."

This was about a month ago, and I was smack dab in the middle of feeling as though I spent 80% of my day exasperated at Bella and reacting to her in frustration. I was not disciplining out of love; I was doing it out of anger. I wasn't controlling my emotions, but was showing her my face of disappointment and annoyance. (Not a proud Mama moment)

My light bulb moment was when Beth asked us to write down three different ways that we could react to whatever trial we had listed in the question above. She suggested that the final option be "in joy," but we could write what we wanted for the other two.

For my frustration with Bella, I wrote down that I could either: A. Continue responding in anger and frustration, which often included yelling and inconsistent discipline, or B. Ignore her behavior and just go into survival mode, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. Neither of these options seemed positive or Godly. Then, Beth asked us to write down the results that we could expect to see in 5 years if we followed each of our own suggestions.

You can imagine how convicting it was to picture myself, my child, and my home in 5 years if I continued to act and react towards Bella the way I had been. It was a very humbling moment when I simply admitted that something had to change. I had to really step back and purpose in my heart that I was going to pray much, much more for wisdom in parenting, and also pray before I responded to Bella's behavior.

Throughout the baby steps (more good than bad!) that I've taken in the last month, there was also a wonderfully encouraging moment this past weekend. Our Children's Pastor holds a conference series every few months called 'What Rhymes With Orange.' It's just a few hours on a Friday night, and it kind of feels more like date night - there's childcare and dinner, and you get to talk with a lot other parents. We're going over different core values for families, and last night's value was "Fight For The Heart."

In other words, you want to win your child's heart and teach them Godly values instead of just insisting on a certain behavior for obedience sake. There are definitely times when I fall into the prideful trap of wanting Bella to obey me "just because I said so." And don't get me wrong, I still believe strongly that our children should learn the importance of obeying because we are the authority.

Todd's point, though, was to truly show your children that you love them, and to speak Scripture into them on a daily basis so that they begin to understand the "why" of your instructions. When kids (even little ones) understand the "why", they are much more apt to hold those instructions in their hearts as part of their own value system. I'm not sure if I explained all of that correctly, but it was very encouraging to Steve and I as we strive to be Godly parents for Bella.

I walked away from the evening extremely encouraged by God's desire for us as parents and how we can go about accomplishing it. I'm also going to re-read Don't Make Me Count To Three; it's a short book that is so encouraging to parents about how to discipline by using Scripture. The first time I read it, Bella was closer to two, and I felt like a total moron when I tried to discipline her by talking about Jesus and different verses in the Bible; she just wasn't old enough to understand. She knows about Jesus and the Bible now, though, and I've been trying to make it sound more natural as I speak truth and Scripture into her throughout the day.

I still get frustrated and exasperated, especially at 31 weeks into this pregnancy, but I have purposed in my heart to fight for her heart and to be an example to her of what a sweet spirit and a gentle tongue looks and sounds like.